Biologically, no. Herpes is a virus, not a reflection of identity, sexuality, gender, behaviour, or worth.

However, people's experiences of herpes can be different. LGBTQIA+ people may face assumptions, stigma, discrimination, or a lack of inclusive language in healthcare settings. Some people may also find that herpes information is written in a way that assumes everyone is heterosexual, cisgender, monogamous, or has particular body parts.

Herpes care should be based on your symptoms, body, sexual practices, relationships, and individual needs.

*Not everyone uses the same words for their body, genitals, sex, or relationships. Some people may use words like penis, vulva, vagina, front hole, anus, genitals, chest, or other terms that feel right for them. On this site, we use a mix of general and anatomical terms so the information is clear. Your healthcare provider should use language that feels respectful to you. It is okay to tell them what words you prefer, and we always welcome feedback about how we can do, write or say things better - so please reach out to us.

"In Aotearoa New Zealand, HIV disproportionately affects gay and bisexual men, however heterosexual transmission also occurs. In Auckland, it is estimated that 1 in 15 gay and bisexual men are living with HIV, with 20% of these unaware of their positive status" - Sexual Health Society Guidelines.

Herpes and HIV are different viruses, but they can overlap in sexual healthcare.

Genital herpes, especially HSV-2, can increase the chance of acquiring HIV if someone is exposed to HIV. This is because herpes can cause breaks in the skin or mucous membranes, and inflammation can make it easier for HIV to enter the body.

People living with HIV, or people who are significantly immunocompromised, may have herpes symptoms that are more frequent, prolonged, severe, or harder to treat. Herpes is still manageable, but it is worth getting individualised advice from a sexual health clinician.

Antiviral treatment can help manage herpes symptoms and reduce herpes recurrences. If you are living with HIV, herpes treatment should sit alongside your HIV care.

It is a good idea to seek medical advice if you have new sores, blisters, ulcers, cracks, pain, itching, burning, or any other symptoms suspicious of an infection around genitals, anus, rectum, buttocks, or surrounding skin.

A clinician may recommend an HSV swab from the affected area. This is usually the best test when symptoms are present.

Sometimes herpes can look like other infections, including syphilis, and more than one infection can be present at the same time. For this reason, a clinician may also recommend a broader sexual health check, including HIV and syphilis blood tests. This is routine sexual healthcare and if it isn't offered you can always request it and have a discussion with the clinicians around this.

For more information:

Recognising genital herpes

How herpes is passed on

How to treat/manage the symptoms of herpes

Talking about herpes can feel daunting, especially when there is already so much stigma around sex, STIs, LGBTQIA+ identity, and relationships.

You do not need to apologise for having herpes. Herpes is common, manageable, and often carried by people who do not know they have it.

Helpful conversations are usually honest, calm, and practical. You might talk about what herpes is, how it is managed, what symptoms to look out for, what helps reduce risk, and what kind of sex or intimacy feels comfortable for everyone involved.

For people in casual, open, polyamorous, monogamous, or changing relationship structures, the same principles apply: clear information, consent, respect, and shared decision-making.

For more information on how to discuss herpes with partners:

Herpes and relationships

Everyone deserves healthcare this is respectful, confidential, and free from judgement.

A good healthcare provider should not make assumptions about your sexuality, gender, body, partners, or sexual practices. They should ask relevant questions in a respectful way so they can offer the right testing, treatment, and support.

You can ask for what you need. For example:

• "I use different words for my body. Can I tell you what language I prefer?"
• "I'd like a full sexual health check, including throat, genital or anal testing if needed."
• "I'm trans/non-binary/takatāpui/queer, and I want to make sure the advice is relevant to my body and the sex I have."
• "I'm worried about stigma and would like this explained clearly."

If you have had a negative experience before, it is understandable if seeking care feels difficult. Sexual health clinics are often experienced in providing confidential and inclusive care.